Ontological Shock: When the World You Knew No Longer Makes Sense

We tend to live our lives under the perception that things will continue going more or less the way they've always gone. We base our worldview on what we have been taught by the people and culture that raised us, the personal experiences we have had and how those experiences have shaped our understanding of the world.

Our expectations then help to build future experiences, as we surround ourselves with the people, places, and circumstances that generally align with what we believe to be true. But what happens when something comes along that shakes the foundation of that belief system so thoroughly that we are left standing on ground that feels anything but solid?

The past six years have been a deep immersion into this concept. Covid changed something in us collectively and shattered, in many ways, our view of "the world as we know it". What seemed like a relatively clear-cut formula for putting ourselves on a trajectory towards happiness, quickly crumbled beneath our feet. I remember standing in my living room with my husband watching the world close down on TV and saying out loud, "What the hell is going on?" I was shell-shocked. Completely dazed. This wasn't a part of "the plan". Suddenly, we were collectively stripped of a sense of purpose in the way it had been instilled in many of us, particularly as Americans. There were no deals to close, goals to work toward, money to be made, or milestones to achieve. It was us and us.

Though we are far past Covid from a linear timeline perspective, the jolt of that experience seems to live on in so much of what we do and I imagine the ripples will be felt for a long time.

In some ways, we have become more divisive, volatile, and immersed in a technological reality that can easily rob us of presence. Simultaneously, however, I have seen curiosity and creativity seep back into the world in new ways. I have watched countless people reassess their values, find their voices, question things they once accepted without thought, and shift toward pathways that have always called to them. In short, I have seen a return to authenticity.

When Your Understanding of Reality Changes: Ontological Shock

There’s a term I stumbled upon over the past two years as I navigated my own post-Covid repositioning: ontological shock. Learning about ontological shock helped me understand why periods of massive change can leave us feeling so deeply ungrounded, even when nothing appears to be “wrong” with us. When I found it, it actually brought me to tears because it gave words to a feeling and experience that I hadn’t really been able to articulate. Ontological shock refers to the profound disorientation that can occur when an experience or discovery disrupts our fundamental understanding of reality and existence. Heavy shit, right? But I think that’s where a lot of us have been.

This kind of shock doesn’t have to come from a global pandemic, though that’s certainly one way to get it going. It can come through loss, illness, divorce, a spiritual experience, a major cultural shift, a sudden realization, or even encountering information that simply doesn’t fit into the framework you’ve used to understand your life. The introduction and rapid expansion of AI into our day-to-day reality is another great example. Such wild advancements in technology can leave us wondering what work will look like, what creativity will look like, and how we keep humanity alive in a world increasingly shaped by machines.

Big thoughts, with some big feelings likely attached.

What Happens When the Old Story Stops Working

How does any of this inform the way we cope with change? I think that it reminds us how to be in flow. I'm sure anybody reading this blog has their own living room "Oh shit" story. That terrifying moment where the realization that something you never imagined could happen is, in fact, happening. Something shifts inside of you because the story you were using to make sense of your life suddenly can’t explain what is in front of you.

While that moment can be wildly unsettling, it also presents us with a choice. Do we spiral endlessly into fear of the unknown, desperately trying to reconstruct what used to feel certain? Or can we turn inward, tap into our own intuitive guidance, and begin to reassess?

If the world no longer holds exactly the same meaning externally, what might that mean for me internally?

My own experience of ontological shock took me on quite a wild ride. I found myself questioning literally everything I thought I believed. Ungrounding is an understatement.

That said, as I’ve emerged on the other side of some of it, I recognize the permission the experience has given me to live my life more fully and authentically. As I began to realize how much was outside of my control, I was presented with the opportunity to surrender over and over again. Where my analytical mind was always trying to problem-solve, my heart kept asking me to soften and let go of trying to fix everything. I believe maybe that is one of the unexpected gifts hidden inside these periods of massive change. When the old framework falls apart, we don’t necessarily have to rush to build another one. We can give ourselves some time to stand in the questions.

Moving Forward When the Ground Feels Unsteady

If you, too, find yourself wandering into unclear territory as our world (or your own personal reality) undergoes some very major changes, my invitation is not to try to figure it all out. In fact, I think the urgency to immediately make sense of everything can sometimes make the experience even harder. Instead:

• Normalize the disorientation. If something has genuinely challenged the way you understand yourself or the world, it makes sense that you might feel unsettled for a while. You don’t need to immediately turn that discomfort into a problem to solve. Talk about it, ask questions, and give yourself permission to be unsettled.

• Come back to what is actually here. Get outside, move your body, eat something, put your phone down and notice your actual surroundings. When your mind is wrestling with enormous existential questions, ordinary physical life can be remarkably refreshing and grounding.

• Let yourself ask better questions. You don’t have to replace every old belief with a new one immediately. “I don’t know anymore” can be an incredibly honest place to begin.

• Pay attention to what still feels true. When so much feels uncertain, notice what remains. What matters to you? What makes you feel alive? Who do you love? What kind of person do you want to be within the reality that actually exists, rather than the one you thought you were guaranteed? A quick of assessment of the people, places, and situations that feel aligned with your values can do wonders to help you direct your energy more intentionally.

• Integrate slowly. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to hold contradictions. You are allowed to let new information sit beside old beliefs for a while without forcing them into a tidy conclusion. Let yourself be a little messy for a while. I promise nobody's judging (and if they are, that's a them problem).

  
  

Coping with change doesn't necessarily have to be about becoming better at predicting what comes next. Maybe it can be about becoming more trusting of our ability to meet ourselves in the unknown. The world will change again. Our relationships will change, technology will change, our bodies will change and things we currently believe with absolute certainty may someday look very different from another vantage point.

Unfortunately, we cannot build a life solid enough to prevent the ground from ever moving beneath us, but maybe we build a relationship with ourselves that allows us to move with it. Get curious, question things, give yourself permission to grieve things you may need to let go of, and play with surrendering what is outside of your control. Practicing all of this may help you stay open long enough for something new and wonderful to emerge.

If any of this feels familiar, you don't have to rush to make sense of it. Sometimes we simply need a place to ask the bigger questions out loud, challenge what we thought we knew, and get curious about what might be emerging in its place. This is the kind of stuff I love taking about. Through coaching, workshops, and the work I'll be exploring on the Near Life Experience Podcast, I'm creating more space for honest conversations about change, identity, uncertainty, surrender, and what it means to be human in a world that keeps asking us to evolve. If you're navigating a shift of your own and could use some space to explore it, reach out. I'm always game for a great conversation.